Feeling alone parenting a teen with ADHD? You're not! Learn how to combat loneliness, find support, and prioritize self-care in this relatable blog.
As I look back on my ADHD journey, i've made loads of mistakes. Most of us start out parenting our kids the way we were parented, in my case I knew I would do things differently, not knowing my first born would be a living bouncing ball, packed with ADHD, I was pulling my hair out and wondering why everything I was doing wasn't working. I felt the worst mom on the planet, from trying sticker charts, steep consequences if he didn't comply. The numbers i've counted till 3.... or 10... Nothing seemed to help.
Many times I would arrive at daycare at the end of a long day of work to see the teachers concerned face. I knew what was coming, she would tell me about the behaviour he would display, he didnt follow directions, moved to much, he couldn't focus, time out didn't work for him... He would just laugh about his actions, instead of feeling bad. Typically his behaviour would be worse after the time out, leaving the teacher clueless about how to handle him.
And all I could hear was: YOU have the bad kid.....
Loving a kid with ADHD: the love, the guilt &the meds....
Making things harder on myself, I refused to medicate him at this young age, he was happy just the way he was, why should I try changing this? All I wanted was for him to be happy with himself, to learn about his talents, and how to work with them. He was smart, he just needed subject that he was passionate about.
But this just caused a lot of understanding from teachers and family members, not that any of these family members tried to help in any way. Except for opinions nobody ever asked to take over for a day, holiday, or even a coffee break, not that I blamed them. But still....
Sometimes I just felt so overwhelmed, we had limited screen time, talked to him, he knows how to make good choices, just not how to shield him from negative influence from outside of our home.
The school environment was challenging, and would continue being challenging until we decided to start homeschooling.
To the mom whose kid is often seen for his or her "behaviour" I want to let you know a few things:
I see you. I understand. and I feel you....
I know how your chest and hands feel when you see the school number pop up on your phone during school hours.
I know what its like to see your child, and you know they want to do well, but just doesn't know how to show this in someone else's care.
I know what it's like to be "that kid"s mom.... The crazy mom, who doesn't seem to control her own kid. Believe me, i'm just as frustrated, I just chose not to be the angry mom all the time.
I know what it feels like to worry that if your child is treated like a bad kid that he or she will become a bad kid.
And I know what it's like to want your best for your child, and how exhausting this can be.
What it feel like when mom guilt eats away at you.
And how it feels to be verbally attacked because your child is misunderstood.
But one day, your child will grow up, and he will see himself through the same lens you once did.
Parenting isn't easy, but with the right mindset and knowledge, we can push through what looks like a pile of weeds, vines and bushes and find the beauty within our child.
Parenting any teenager can be a challenging and sometimes lonely experience, but parenting a teenager with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) can bring its own unique set of difficulties. You're busy with your kids, your home, your job, parter, preparing meals, and other responsibilities. Your house might be loud with the sound of your kids, never a peaceful moment for yourself.
But when you done dealing with everyone's else's needs.... is anyone there for you?
What exactly is ADHD?
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects a person's ability to focus, control impulses, and regulate their behavior. This can make it challenging for teens with ADHD to navigate the already tumultuous teenage years.
One of the main reasons parenting a teen with ADHD can feel lonely is because it can be hard for others to understand the daily struggles and challenges that come with the disorder. Many people may not realize that ADHD is a real and complex disorder that requires ongoing management and support. This can lead to feelings of isolation and frustration for parents who may feel like they are constantly having to explain and defend their child's behavior.
Additionally, parenting a teen with ADHD can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Teens with ADHD may have trouble with organization, time management, and completing tasks, which can lead to a lot of extra work and stress for parents. This can leave parents feeling drained and overwhelmed, and they may not have the time or energy to socialize and connect with others.
Another factor that can contribute to the loneliness of parenting a teen with ADHD is the lack of support and resources available. While there are many resources and support groups for parents of children with ADHD, there may be fewer options specifically for parents of teens. This can make it harder to find a community of people who understand and can relate to the unique challenges of parenting a teen with ADHD.
It's also important to acknowledge that parenting a teen with ADHD can be emotionally taxing.
Teens with ADHD may struggle with low self-esteem, impulsivity, and difficulty regulating their emotions, which can lead to conflicts and strained relationships with their parents. This can leave parents feeling isolated and unsure of how to best support their child.
So, what can parents do to combat the loneliness of parenting a teen with ADHD? Here are a few suggestions:
1. Connect with other parents who have teens with ADHD. Joining a support group or online community can provide a sense of understanding and camaraderie with others who are going through similar experiences.
2. Educate yourself and others about ADHD. The more you understand about the disorder, the better equipped you will be to advocate for your child and explain their behavior to others. I have read so many books, some helped more then others.
3. Take care of yourself. Parenting a teen with ADHD can be draining, so it's important to prioritize self-care. Make time for activities that bring you joy and help you recharge.
4. Seek professional support. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and develop coping strategies for managing the challenges of parenting a teen with ADHD. My son was loving the horse therapy, it really helped us.
5. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It's okay to reach out to friends and family for support when you need it. You don't have to do it all alone.
Parenting a teen with ADHD can be a lonely experience, but it's important to remember that you are not alone. By connecting with others, educating yourself, and taking care of yourself, you can find the support and resources you need to navigate this journey, my DM on Facebook is always open, if you ever want to talk
6. Selfcare.... And yes, I am aware its the second time im mentioning selfcare, but is we don't take care of ourselves, there is no way you will be in this for the long run. I often just completely forget to take care of myself, running myself into a burnout.... I can't stress enough, but you care, without you the family stands still. Even 10 minutes of mindfully ME time, read a book, drink tea, take a bath. Set a timer so everyone knows not to disturb, unless its an emergency of course.
Some ad hock strategies can make a huge difference and doesn't break the bank.
Just a few strategies that helped us are:
favourite music during boring tasks
schedule breaks
finding quiet spaces
clear work space - less distractions
Headphones
avoid having multiple tabs open, especially games...
phone on not disturb
use music , for us it's Fleetwood Mac or healing frequencies...
I have a favourite list om my Amazon storefront, I don't want to sell you anything, but these supplements, fidgets and tools have and are still helpful, so maybe you just want to take a look, let it inspire you, maybe you'll see some easy hands-on products that you had never thought of, I remember the nights surfing the web, finding the right tools and supplement....
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